The Power Of Your Words...

We’ve all heard the expression “the power of positive thinking” but have you considered “the power of negative thinking”? We breathe life into the things we think (and say) – think of it… When you’re a young child, scared of the dark because of the shadows you can see in your room, what causes that fear? The thought of something lurking in those shadows, and because we think it, it becomes true to us.

In past posts, I’ve alluded to not having had the easiest life growing up. When I was 17, I was very fortunately (though I didn’t realize it at the time) given the opportunity to start a new life, in a new province, with new parents (my aunt and uncle). After only a few short weeks living there, my uncle gave me a new house rule: no speaking badly about myself. I would frequently say things like “I’m so stupid” and other self deprecating statements, and it was stunting my ability to become a new, happier person in my new environment. I listened to self help tapes (yes TAPES) and for awhile there, I actually was thinking more positively. Other things changed that, but that’s a story for another day…

When I first had the idea to start my jewellery business, I kept saying “I’m trying to start a business” and I’ve been working on changing that wording. By saying “trying” I essentially have a scape goat if I fail… But I don’t want a scape goat! I’ve started saying “I’m starting a business” which is more active, and holds me accountable for my actions. Beware of little scape goats you may use… “thinking” is another one I’m guilty of throwing in to absolve myself if an endeavour doesn’t succeed. Remember: We breathe life into what we think and say. So choose your words wisely – both internal and external words – and make your dreams come true.

Love and Light,

SB

We are truly blessed....

When I say "blessed" I'm not referring to any particular religion, and I'm trying to not sound preachy. (My apologies if I fail at this) Whatever you believe in, when good things come your way, you need to give thanks - whomever it is to. And honestly, when bad things come your way, when possible (and believe me, this is difficult) give thanks for that too. So many good things come out of bad situations. I won't bore you with my life story, but suffice it to say that despite the crap I've experienced, much good came out of it. I am formed of my experiences, and many of them have not been good. What I've noticed lately is that finding peace within me has given me the ability to forget much of the bad, and the good that came as a result seems to be more prominent in my memory.

I moved out at the age of 17, with a bus ticket back to BC, a friend's house to stay at, and not much else. I struggled finding work, then a place to live within my budget. I was unable to get social assistance because they couldn't reach my parents to approve, and I was a minor. So many things tumbled out of a series of events that sprouted there, and not once did I go hungry... I always had a place to stay. I was embraced by wonderful people - many of which I've lost touch with, and I wish I hadn't because I'd like to extend more thanks. I don't even know that I was truly appreciative then, nor do I know if I had the capacity for that much gratitude. But I look back, even know with losing my job several months ago - the rent has always been paid, and we've always had food. Yes, we've lost some luxuries, but our basic necessities have always been met.

Basic necessities... now this gets tricky. Many people who have not had to go without have a very different concept of things we "need" and things we "want". I was guilty of that - even though I've never been "rich" I was certainly comfortable, and had a skewed view of what my necessities were. Losing everything is actually really good for the spirit. It's good to gain perspective and assess what actually matters. I think that's why, with all the humility that I can conjure up, I can say "We are truly blessed".

And maybe "We" is not a fair term. There are places in the world that do not have our social programs, who don't care for their own as I've experienced. Even my crappy childhood - I mean, there are much worse. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need to be appreciative of what we have, and live our lives in gratitude. This shares our abundance with others, and will have a snowball effect on all of humanity. (That might be a bit of a stretch...) :) It's the whole "Pay it forward" notion... give it a try, I bet you'll like what becomes of it.

Sending warm wishes for a wonderful week!
SB

If not now, then when?

I have become a victim of inertia.

In so many different times in my life, I've allowed myself to become stagnant... I've done it in work, I've done it in personal relationships... Sometimes I say that I'm just "comfortable" but in many cases I now realize that the underlying factor is fear.

My #1 love is theatre. (Of course I love blogging too, hee hee) At the age of 14 I became a student at a performing arts high school (think Fame) and even then, I said "I'm going to do this now because it's fun, but this isn't a practical career, so I won't be doing it professionally." Because of this, and a series of personal troubles, I left the drama program half way through my third year (it's a 4 year program) and wound up graduating high school at another school all together. What is it about practicality that is so embedded into a teenage heart that allows her to squash her own dreams? Well, here it is: Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of not being able to pay my bills. Fear of rejection. I could keep going, but I think you get the picture.

A few years later I decided to hell with fear, I'm going to apply to study radio broadcasting. Except my first application was never completed, so of course I wasn't accepted. It took a few years and a few dead end jobs that I loathed (and made me loathe myself) before my best friend forced me to apply again, but this time, complete the application. I got in... and within the first week they told us that in radio, you make no money.... I finished the program, but then became paralyzed with fear of moving away again, starting somewhere new, and of course impending student loan payments, and a long diet of nothing but Ramen that I never pursued it.

So it comes to this... I lost my corporate job, and I've spent the last 5 months living my life. I've done a lot of inner work, and spent many an hour on Facebook. I've applied for the odd job here and there, and even went for a couple of interviews. But I haven't been applying myself. In the last 5 months, I've been a passive participant in my own life.

A couple of weeks back a friend suggested I join the mailing list for Tama Kieves and author who's book was also recommended to me, but I haven't gotten around to reading yet. (When I do, rest assured the review will be here.) She sent out a newsletter a week or so back and the subject line read: "If you don't start living your dreams now, when will you?" I didn't open the message... Again, I was afraid of what it would say. If the subject line was enough to haunt me, what sort of life changing message would be within it. But you know what happened? It haunted me anyways... and then suddenly, I just decided to be active in my life again. Like a flick of a switch. In the last week I've started working on a fundraiser for my next play (which I said I couldn't do until I was working again to fund it - HA!) and a new business that will help me release my inner healer (something I thought I couldn't do without extensive training). These are two areas I've really wanted to focus on for the last several months, but kept making excuses for why I couldn't do what I really love. Well... pardon me for saying so but FUCK excuses. If not now - then WHEN?

I wish I could give you the exact recipe because I know when I was stuck in inertia, if someone said "if you just do this then you can have your life back" but I don't have any secrets to share. I think maybe you just need to find something to light a fire under your butt. Maybe it'll be this blog post, or maybe a subject line in an email, or a Facebook status. (I did put that quote as mine.) Whatever it is, I hope you find it soon. Because there is always a choice: we choose inertia, even when it doesn't seem that way. We think we have to be paralyzed by fear, but we don't. So find some inspiration and go out and do what you love: I promise you, it's good for the soul.

The next chapter

It's been nearly two months since my last post, and I've uncovered so much about myself in that time, that I wish I'd been more diligent about updating this blog.

I remember my first realization was this: Love is Source energy... So what does this mean? For the majority of my life, I've been able to love as though I'd never been hurt. But the last few years, I've been stingy with love. I've kept it for those I'd already deemed worthy, people I knew were safe to love (or if not safe, I knew what I was in for). I was so worried about a rejection of my love, I feared the unworthiness I thought I had would be rubbed in my face. In doing so, I was not only denying my true nature (someone who loved in abundance) but also cutting myself off from Source.

It has been nearly a year now since I began my inner work, and I've opened myself up to love in many ways. I'm still working on other aspects (like how love plays into sexuality, where are my boundaries, how will I trust again) and as I've said to people I love over and over, I am a work in progress. And for once, that doesn't feel like a bad thing. I'm actually quite excited for the journey.

Professionally I've had another set back, well sort of. Thanks to the turn in the economy, I was laid off from a job that paid well but made me miserable back in May. I think this is the happiest period I've ever experienced in my life. My dad says it's because I'm not working, and while I think that may be part of it, moreover it's that I'm not living a life outside of my path. On numerous occasions I've referred to my 4 year stint in the corporate world as being a square peg in a round hole... I never quite fit in. I seeked silent rebellion (mostly with radical hair cuts or colours) trying to get a rise. I tried to conform, but business clothes didn't feel like a uniform, I just felt like a poseur, uncomfortable in my own skin from 9 to 5. I felt like I was living a lie - because I was. I was good at my job because I'm great with people and have a knack for creativity, but I was interested in my industry, or helping big business, or making someone else a buck. When all was said and done (not just the lay off, but after the 13 weeks it took to receive my severance) I felt freer than ever. The anger that was living beneath my breast was released in a giant sigh, and I burst free, wings spread. And the best part is - every opportunity has been opened to me.

I knew from my journey back in June that I wanted to help people. But this presented me with SO many possibilities! I became frustrated by the abundance (if you can believe it) and beat myself up for not just picking something and going with it. I thought I was being flakey, but I realize now I'm just in a state of receiving information. When someone feels right, I will know it. Currently I'm most excited about pursuing midwifery - but it's still in the investigative phase. I've also looked at a variety of other healing paths. But a friend pointed out that healing doesn't necessarily mean Reiki or Massage or Accupuncture. And I can be a healer with my interactions with others - it doesn't have to be a career path. And I do. I heal people with my words. I am a sounding board, and I try to listen without judgement, but even when i do, I come from a place of love. I love with my entire being, and I am blessed to be surrounded by people who are happy to receive it. And it heals me to heal them with my love. We are all connected.
I have a friend who is a serial monogamist. Even when she is in a relationship with someone she feels doesn't have long term (or simply marriage) potential, she stays with them because she needs the companionship. I've said to her on a few occasions "But how are you supposed to find the love of your life, if your life is filled with someone else?" This does not only apply to relationships, it can include loving yourself (how many parents do you know neglect their own needs and cease to be their own people but morph entirely into only being the parent of their children?), and definitely career wise. Now I realize that it's not practical if you're ill prepared to walk out of a job with nothing on the horizon to find your true life's passion. But if you can set time every single day to determine what that life's passion is, and make sure that above all else, you haven't put yourself in a "stuck" mind set where you are unable to leave your unhappy situation, then you can find it. You can find happiness. But you need to believe it's out there, and you need to believe it's true. By doing this you can manifest good things for yourself. You just need to know what you want, know you deserve it, and invest the time in believing it can happen.

And above all else - and maybe I've said this before - but please... know that you are WORTH IT. There is a scene in the movie "Me and You and Everyone We Know" that goes like this:

Christine Jesperson: I mean, they kind of rub my ankles, but all shoes does that. I have low ankles.
Richard Swersey: You think you deserve that pain, but you don't.
Christine Jesperson: I don't think I deserve it.
Richard Swersey: Well, not consciously maybe.
Christine Jesperson: My ankles are just low...
Richard Swersey: People think that foot pain is a fact of life, but life is actually better than that.

And it's true... Life is actually better than that.

Sending you lots of love and light for a wonderful week,
SB

The Importance Of Moving Forward

My mother always told me to never look back... but I've always been fixated on looking back to see how far I've come. This kind of reflection I think is healthy. It's nice to look at your milestones and be proud of your accomplishments - as long as you're not stuck living in "the good old days". You see on TV all the time, the once-high school football star, reliving the glory days. I actually caught the beginning of a new reality show called "High School Reunion" or something, and this guy, in his 40's said that high school was the best time of his life. Of. His. Life. I felt bad for him.

I am guilty of living in the past, and not just for reflection's sake. For as long as I can remember, until very recently, I was convinced that I would end up marrying someone from my past. I am on the brink of my 29th birthday, and until very recently have only attracted men who made me feel unworthy of love - to marry one of them would be a tragedy. Facebook was the death of me - getting in touch with old crushes, old flames, all the while wondering "is he the one?" and every time I saw a relationship status say "Married" on one of my exes profiles, I was crushed a little bit more.

When I say I don't have all the answers, I truly mean it. I've been on my spiritual path (well, knowingly so) for the last 9 months - which is pretty new really. Opening your mind is a beautiful thing, however, there is one downside. Once you know how good it can be, it hurts so much when you fall off your path. I fell off my path last weekend, and I haven't been able to forgive myself for it yet. I went back to being the girl I used to be, for just a split second, and have spend several days beating myself up for it. I know it's a small setback, and each new day is an opportunity to reinvent myself for the better, but I haven't let it go. I'm mad at myself for letting it happen, and I'm disappointed in myself because I know better.

This brings me to the title of today's post: the importance of moving forward. I cannot stress this enough as I am currently embodying the ramifications of living in the past. Do something every day you can be proud of. (For me, it should really be cleaning my room and sorting through my clothes which has been on my to-do list for weeks) And always strive for more for yourself. I don't mean money, which is what so many of us work toward.... just... better. Become a better version of you, surround yourself with people who will support your growth and who are growing themselves, and if necessary, sever ties with people with whom you allow yourself to regress (especially if it's regression into harmful behaviour). There is always a chance for a brighter tomorrow - and the power to grasp it is in your hands. Don't do like I've done the last few days - forgive yourself when you fall off the spiritual wagon. Until you do, it's hard to want to reboard it, and life is SO much better when you do. I'm hoping that by sharing this with you, that I'll be able to let go myself, and thus move forward.

Wishing you all warm and wonderful things and most of all - love from yourself and everyone around you.

Seena Beana

Please help...

I apologize for not having a podcast set up for this week. There are a couple of contributing factors...

1. Today I didn't feel very uplifting, and I want to be sure that whatever I'm projecting outward to you is with the utmost sincerity. I instead took the time to focus on me, indulge a little in bad tv and ice cream, and hope to be back to myself very very soon.

2. (And this is where I need your help) I'm considering making some changes to the format of the podcast, but I'd like it to reflect what most people would like to hear. I've received feedback that the ads on the site are distracting... unfortunately because it is a free hosting website, I am unable to rectify this. The files are quite large and need to be accessible to a lot of people. What I would recommend is downloading them instead, and using whatever player you favour to play it back... I've also received feedback that people would like more talking and less music... that music can be found anywhere, but the message is where it's at. To be honest, I hadn't approached the podcast this way because I wasn't sure this is what people wanted, but if it is - I'm happy to deliver.

So what I'm asking is this... let me know. Send me a comment on here, or if you prefer to email, I can be reached at bs857@hotmail.com. If you have topic ideas, things you'd like some insight on (of course this insight is only from my perspective) please send those along as well. I want this to be meaningful to as many people as possible, and I can't do this without you.

Hope you are having a wonderful week, full of love and light.

Love,
Seena Beana

No need to fear failure....

This week's podcast: http://www.zshare.net/audio/62625703ca3e4b03/

Note: I could have spent the entire 30 minutes talking on this week's topic. Fear of failure is something I'm currently striving to conquer within myself. Awareness of the fear is the first step - then you can talk yourself through it (instead of walking through life blindly, unable to recognize the fear you are living for what it is). WE HAVE THE CHOICE. Know that many wonderful things have come from failure, accidents, mistakes... (ie: penicillin and post it notes) and that change is imperative for growth. If you try you may fail some of the time. If you don't try, you fail ALL of the time.

Quotes:
"Those who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try nothing and succeed. " - Lloyd Jones

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not in the falling down, but in the staying down." - Mary Pickford

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison

Conquer Challenges by Breaking them Down

This week's podcast:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/623167693ed9ebfe/

"Drive" by Incubus

While I try to keep the music in this blog very 'worldly' I have a wide taste in music and would like to share this with you.
This song speaks of breaking from the pack, and choosing to be an individual. A lesson that will help us all from time to time. Enjoy :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zN9vd9WUiA

Love yourself and start healing the world...

This week's podcast: http://www.zshare.net/audio/6202735077c9c958/

Choose to enjoy your day...

This week's podcast:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/618102232fe41a9d/