Musings about ego

Oh Ego... How you rear your ugly head.

Yes ugly, that would be me passing judgement. Rather egoic, don't you think?

I find it so funny that the more aware of ego I am, the more obvious it appears. You'd think the awareness would keep it harnessed, but no. Ego is a slippery bugger and it wiggles from it's restraints more frequently than I'd care to admit.

How often do I love hearing that I'm right. Knowing I'm right inside doesn't bring nearly as much contentment as hearing it. It's the sweetest tasting flattery, and my ego laps at the dish hungrily.

How often does the artist in me become flattered when someone likes something I've created (be it jewellery, a painting, a theatre piece, a recording), and equally flip with my back up (and spikes sharpened) when it is critiqued.

Ego is the voice that tells us we are not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, etc unless we receive external validation of our worth. When we receive criticisms, it tells us "See? I told you you weren't X enough" and when we receive commendation, it fluffs our feathers and parades around like a peacock.

The point is not to be told we're good or bad.

The point is to know our worth, our "good-ness" without needing for it to come from the
outside.

I see you Ego... and you're not the boss of me. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.